For most of us, working in an office feels like a social experiment gone wrong. Only in the melting pot of an office environment would you find such an incomprehensible group of people together, and in an attempt to promote positive office culture, you’re required to buy each other presents for Christmas. If you have to go through the fun of an office Kris Kringle, Tipple’s here to assist in the gift-matching process.
We’ve put together a list of people every typical office tends to have, and yes, we have blatantly stereotyped here. If it makes you angry, you’re probably a ‘Nancy’ on the list below.
Johnny the Jock
Johnny the Jock thinks he is still the ‘cool dude’ from high school. Little does he know that in an office environment, his ability to ‘do three shoeys’ may be detrimental to his corporate success.
No one in the office has seen Nancy smile. It’s often debated around the water cooler if she even has teeth. Nancy is likely to congratulate people about their promotions, birthdays or babies with a back handed compliment like “congratulations about your pregnancy, everyone in the office was talking about the weight you’ve been putting on.”
Sandra takes her customer service role very seriously, and good on her. She has been in the same role for 23 years and has no patience for new starters because they always forget protocol 2.4.56. Serious Sandra doesn’t drink much, because coming into work three days after drinking is absolutely unacceptable. But when she does have a tipple, it’s likely to be a red wine.
Fat Bastard Pinot Noir
Post-It Note Pete
Post-it Note Pete doesn’t like to talk, but boy is he great with the pen and keyboard. Left your lunch one day too long in the fridge? Post-it note. Had a laugh on the phone? Post-it note. Turned up the aircon? Post-it note.
Pete is likely to like Tequila, because it’s the only thing that will make him chill out.
Don Juan 2 Worm Mezcal
Nosey Nick lives for the office goss, or just the office in general. It’s Nick’s head you see pop up when anyone goes, well, anywhere. Nick wants to know why you were five minutes late back from your break or what exactly your ‘personal day’ off was for. Nosey Nick also lets you know when Darren and Nancy came into the office 3.24 minutes apart.
Melbourne Martini Espresso
Daggy Dad Darren
Daggy Dad Darren is everyone’s office favourite, although they would never admit it. Darren wears his pants just a little too high, but lucky he has such a trendy Rip Curl belt to show off! Just make sure not to book a meeting at 2.30 with Darren, as he’ll be sure to tell you that he can’t make it as it’s ‘time for the dentist’.